.... IN A FUCKING HANDBASKET

I was scrolling through stuff I'd written years ago and found this kinda funny, cool, whatever. If I remember correctly, I was on a religion/god questioning period. I had noticed that both my mother and sister were preparing fish for a big Good Friday family meal and I suddenly realized this wasn't just some coincidence. I was kindly informed that they had been practising this religious rule for the past 35 years of my life as well as prior to that. WTF (Weird that when referring to religion, the word practising is the verb chosen. You'd think they would've perfected it by now.)

DiAne: When did we start this no meat on Good Friday thing?
Mom & Sis: WE'VE always done this. DiAne, we have never eaten meat on Good Friday.
DiAne: We? WE?!? WEEEE????? Have you any idea how many fucking Swiss Chalet dinners and Happy Meals I now must atone for? Kerrrryst! Why am I only finding this out now at the age of 35 that our family does this shit? Did that memo get lost in the mail or something? I've been paving my path to hell for all these years and nobody thought it important to mention this little tidbit of info. Sigh...

My own God
April 17, 2006 - Around 7:30AM, mildly stoned and not the least bit tired…………
I don’t have a problem with God. I never have.

I actually resent the fact that when referring to him in writing, the proper address {supposedly} is ‘Him’ and/or ‘God’. I can somewhat understand the ‘God’ part because it could be interpreted as a name, but I refuse to accept the capitalizing of the word ‘Him’. Give me a fucking break. And the only time Her is capitalized is when it appears at the beginning of a god-dammed sentence! No one refers to ‘him’ as ‘Her’, however I believe it would be justified if they did.

I laugh to myself when I am witness to ones who blame ‘god’. The fact is, I cannot stage a war with someone or something that I believe does not exist. I cannot have conflict with anything that I feel is unreal. My problem is with mankind itself. Mothers, fathers, friends, enemies, and all that I know to be fact, truth and real because I have lived the proof and seen it with my own eyes. Many of these people use ‘god’ as a scapegoat to avoid taking responsibility for their own inhumanities. An elaborate story created so long ago, it stands as permanent immunity. How fucking brilliant! Whichever god/faith believed, is proclaimed as the creator of mankind, yet I feel it is mankind who has created him. A creation fuelled by the need to be validated and as a bonus, exempt from the wrong they will soon commit or have previously committed. The supreme denial, the ultimate excuse.

Weakness,,,,,,,,,,, excused
Sins,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, excused
Inferiority,,,,,,,,,,,,,, excused
Killing,,,,,,,,,,, excused
Ignorance,,,,,,, excused
Fear ,,,,,,,,,,,,, EXCUSED!!!!!!!!!!

Replace the word ‘FORGIVEN’ with the word ‘EXCUSED’ and you will see my point in its purest form.
When all others question “why oh why would god let such tragedies happen?” I look to myself. Blame, pride, guilt or praise, I look to myself. When others look to “god” for all the answers, I turn to myself, and the few special souls that grace my life. I look to the people, the REAL people. People I can touch, connect with, feel and experience with my body and heart. That is my truth. That is MY FAITH!
Let’s Google the definition shall we?
HOLY SHIT WHAT HAVE I DONE?…………… I merely typed ‘definition faith’ in the search bar and now I’m up against a shit-load of recruiters and the saved! (Note to self: Install pop up blocker) I mean, shit… what do you care if I have faith or not? Seems to me your the one in need of validation buddy. Better go back to the good book and read it again, yikes!
Anyway

Merriam-Webster Main Entry: 1faith
Pronunciation: 'fAth
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural faiths /'fAths, sometimes 'fA[th]z/
Etymology: Middle English feith, from Anglo-French feid, fei, from Latin fides; akin to Latin fidere to trust -- more at BIDE
1 a : allegiance to duty or a person : LOYALTY
b (1) : fidelity to one's promises (2) : sincerity of intentions
2 a (1) : belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) : belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion
b (1) : firm belief in something for which there is no proof
(2) : complete trust
3 : something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially : a system of religious beliefs
synonym see BELIEF - on faith : without question

I hear words like trust, duty, promises kept, intentions, god, religion blah blah fkn blah and then………… the clincher ‘firm belief in something for which there is no proof’ WHAT THE FUCK? Oh My God, I think I pulled something, OUCH! Remind me to never do that again. Not that it would help any, I am my own worst instigator.
He apparently died for OUR sins. I suppose the future has already been written for me and I’m expected to commit a truck load of wrongs. Well golly, thanks. I better get started then! Responsibility for ‘sins’ is forgiven in the end, however take part in a ‘blessing’ and that same responsibility is taken for granted by the glorifying of the act itself. Saints and heroes are testament to that. Mankind’s desperate pursuit of good and the constant struggle they endure to attain it, this, is usually NOT ‘automatic’. The forgiveness of sins is expected, yet the responsibility of good is not. Should we not be expected to do ‘the right thing’? Shouldn’t that be a given? That is a part of ‘being’ and the essence of being a human being, no? If the forgiveness of sins is an automatic expectation, then committing good deeds SHOULD also be an automatic expectation. There’s no need for medals, badges of honour or rewards. Just fucking do it because it’s the right thing to do!
According to him, I will never be justified. Born a sinner (not that I had any choice in that matter) to eventually die a sinner?
Isn’t this an utterly futile human existence and a pointless road to drive on?
According to me, I will never understand true judgment by not practising it within myself.
Then that same road seems to have hope and faith.
I like to think as the years go by I justify my life even more with each passing day. With the passage of time I’m closer to good, closer to innocence. Living to eventually die, finally having achieved the good person I have always strived to be. Born a blank slate, nor good, nor bad but with an endless supply of potential. Life doesn’t attack or destroy innocence, it asks your intentions and delivers the raw truth. It's your choice if you want to corrupt your climb towards innocence.
Be your own god. Be your own judge. Be accountable to yourself, answer to yourself first. Everyone can be impartial if they uphold the solid truth. You will see that it is almost impossible to do the wrong thing if your core intentions are in the right place. Unfortunately this can only be achieved if denial is avoided completely which means shedding the denial that most religions provide. A ‘Human Being’ is one who is living their adult life practising self-truth. Thing is, mankind has already been programmed to point the finger. It seems outrageous for me to even attempt to envision a people that challenge their faith and begin to rewrite their position, but I have faith. (lol)
So, god has and will continue to provide people with the permanent excuse, which allows them to evade self-condemnation, and THAT is a ‘temptation’ most have not resisted. Ingrained in the psyche of humanity is the ‘CHOICE’ to run instead of seeking the real truth. Some say it’s subconscious but I feel the subconscious in this case that has been used as a convenient excuse to uphold that ‘CHOICE’.

All right then, so what’s at the core? Doesn’t anyone care what the bare truth of the matter is? Am I chasing a mind fuck? Will this questioning journey be worth it or worthless? Will I arrive at the end of this exploration only to discover that it was all just an elaborate distraction concocted within the depths of my own mind and that really, mankind was right all along? Should I believe in something I have no proof of?

Assuming one has read the above, I’m sure he/she would agree that I don’t currently practice any typical religious faith. I wasn’t raised to believe in any one particular faith that exists in the world today. Somehow I was overlooked. All my early experiences with any of that ‘nonsense’ is limited to the lord’s Prayer being recited during morning services in junior and senior kindergarten, and occasionally flipping past religious programs on the television during Christmas and Easter time. Most have said this is a tragedy because they think I have nothing to believe in and no foundation or guidance to support me through my life. Translation, I don’t have a scapegoat. They would like me to believe without outwardly saying it that they feel pity for me that I was forgotten and that my mind was supposed to be molded as THEY see fit. But I like to believe that in fact, it is ‘nothing’ more than a mere ‘blessing’.

So I suppose I'm 'Going to hell in a handbasket.'
The origins of this idiom are kind of fascinating huh.
*****Meaning*****
To be 'going to hell in a handbasket' is to be rapidly deteriorating - on course for disaster.
*****Origin*****
It isn't at all obvious why 'handbasket' was chosen as the preferred vehicle to convey people to hell. One theory on the origin of the phrase is that it derives from the use of handbaskets in the guillotining method of capital punishment. If Hollywood films are to be believed, the decapitated heads were caught in baskets - the casualty presumably going straight to hell, without passing Go.

Me thinks me fucked. Hey, umm just curious but when does this 'giving head' transaction take place anyway?